I am supremely tired. I have not gotten to bed before midnight any night this week.
However, I am also determined to make a Shadow of Midnight game work.
Here's the headspace part: I'm running a successful Werewolf game. I'm very pleased with it, and intend to continue running it. I've also been going on and on about how much I want to do a Shadow of Yesterday game. Heck - we're a third of the way through the year, and I've yet to run a SINGLE TSoY game! I've been somewhat holding myself back from attempting to start a Shadow game for awhile now, and for a few reasons. One is that I don't want to sabotage my Werewolf game. I'm flightly, nothing new to that admission. So I've held myself in check, not wanting to start a Shadow game, only to drop it a week later. Also I don't want to abandon my werewolf game in favor of a Shadow game. But.. I've been biding my time. I'm pretty satisfied that I am in fact interested in and capable of running both the Werewolf game, and a Shadow game. The other reason that I've been hesitant, is because of my (former) gaming group - our Tuesday/Wednesday "Strutting Cock" group (named for an Inn that was part of the story). It felt, to me anyway, as though we had ended our weekly meetings on a somewhat sour note. And I've brought up gaming to that crowd a few times, and its been met with (in my opinion) apathy, or outright "no - not interested". I can't begrudge people not being interested - I guess. But I always throw all of my emotion into it, so it feels more like rejection and less like "nah". And it feels a little like a downward spiral to me. Maybe I should take the hint and quit asking people. But each time I manage to well up enough courage to ask - and when its met with "no", I'm a little less likely to ask again in another 6 weeks.
But I'd really love to run some TSoY. I love the system. I love the Midnight campaign world, and have been wanting to play/run it since I got it, um, years ago. I'd love to play with some of the old crowd. John and Jason both rate really high on my list of people that I'd love to bring back to the gaming table. John has been less than interested in gaming for the last half-a-year or so, and does have some weeknight commitments. Jason has also been less than interested in gaming since the end of our previous TSoY game, and uh, he's kinda got some new time commitments as well. But I'd love to get them to the table. I'd love to game with them, but in addition, I think that TSoY is an excellent game to play with them. Obviously, I'm extremely biased, but I think that I can use it to create an exciting game. Heck, even Mike might have a difficult time fucking up TSoY - a game system that does not easily lend itself to munchkinism.
Anyway. I've emailed John to ask if he's interested, and Jason reads this, so consider this an invitation.
This post, and my mindset feels a little emotional. And it is. I get super wild-eyed and excited about gaming stuff. And I'm super tired. I'll attribute it to that.